Sad Violin
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If Everyone Used To Make Fun Of You As A Kid, Read This
I don't know why everyone used to make fun of me, and I do not know how to stop other people from making fun of you. I can however teach you about how the people you used to make fun of you in the past, are still destroying your life today - and how to change that.
I am a 23 years old. When I was a boy, people used to make fun of me. There were times when I was the most socially ostracized person I've ever known. I remember when I was six, my best friend turned against me, and somehow convinced everyone else to turn against me. This set the tone for twelve more years of a ton of social distress.
If you're thinking this article is going to be a sad violin story of my life, it's not. I got over the hurt that I endured from the countless times when everyone used to make fun of me as a kid. In fact, making friends for me is quite easy now. I also have no trouble dating very attractive women. Overall I am very happy, and I can easily assert my self respect around others.
This article is about another guy I encountered once, when I had to assert my self respect. Everyone used to make fun of him when he was a kid - so I found out, after our "physical" confrontation...
I'll get to that in a minute, but let me describe this guy first.
Let's call him Dave. He was very awkward. Dave was very good at making a very "mean" look on his face so that he could try to come off as tough. He'd often give other people sharp looks from the corner of his eye. He was a drug dealer. Although he was very short, he was very chiseled. I could tell that this guy wanted to come off as extremely "bad" at all cost.
Our confrontation:
I was in my university library. I started speaking to a girl that he really liked and he "butted" into the conversation, and tried to shoo me away. I realized that he was being rude to me, but I let it slide because I was already leaving...
I saw him that same day in the gym and I walked right up to him. I noticed that he had huge muscles, but as I confronted him about earlier that day in the library, I was able to calmly assert myself, without letting it escalate into a fight, and then after we were done talking, we shook hands in agreement, and I continued with my work out.
Even though we shook hands after we spoke, we was massively threatened. He wanted to get a weapon to protect himself from me - I never suggested that I would be violent with him. In fact, I tried to be as nice to him as I could. Considering that I could tell his ego was bruised from our confrontation. Someone told me later on that everyone used to make fun of him as a child, and instantly, it all made sense...
His tough guy act was a desperate attempt at compensating for the fact that everyone tried to make fun of him as a child. When I confronted him, he was completely shaken, because I saw through his tough guy act...
If you were like me, and everyone made fun of you as a kid, it's time you realized the hard truth: you might still be compensating for those good ol' days, and you're holding yourself back in a big way.
The difference between myself, and Dave is slim. Although today, I am a happy, assertive, cool guy, the fact is that I've only made one decision differently from Dave: I accepted that everyone made fun of me at one point, and I moved on.
Most people don't realize that the EVERYONE has been ridiculed by other people in their lives. Everyone has been in a situation where they felt judged by their peer group. Maybe you wet the bed at camp, or came to school with diarrhea, or you forgot your lines during the school play, or you wore extremely dorky clothing at school. I did all of those.
Psychologists have a saying, "The more personal the hurt, the more universal." Everyone has experienced severe embarrassment, we all go through it. The difference between me and Dave, is that he thinks he is the only person who's ever been made fun of. He also thinks that because people made fun of him, there is something inherently wrong with him. Neither of these are true.
Statistically speaking, you are very likely to end up in an embarrassing situation at some point in your life. If you cannot accept that you are one of the BILLIONS of other people who've been bitterly ridiculed at some point in your life, you will spend your whole life secretly feeling inadequate, and you will waste years of your life trying to make up for your shortcomings rather than spending your time doing what truly makes you happy.
Here are some good action steps for getting over the fact that everyone used to make fun of you as a child.
Forgive the offenders. Recognize that in spite of the fact that people might have hurt you, and they WERE wrong, you will not allow them to continue enslaving you by holding on to the hurt.
Write a letter to whoever you blame for making fun of you. In full detail, describe why you are angry, and finish by forgiving them for their offense.
Accept that they made fun of you. I used to have extreme difficulty simply admitting to other people that other people used to make fun of me when I was younger. This is a sign that you are still resisting the fact that it happened. If you cannot accept that something happened you will have no motivation to change it.
Write a page out in full saying, "Everyone used to make fun of me, and I accept that."
Tell other people about when people used to be ridiculed. You will be able to accept it more easily, you will also realize how everyone else shares similar stories with you.
Dave is very jealous and insecure - he can't handle when other guys like me talk to girls he likes. Even before he dates them! He is very nervous when he speaks to women, and beneath his tough act, you can sense that he's still crying on the inside, because everyone used to make fun of him as a kid. If I hadn't taken the time out to get over my old pain, and improve my social skills, I realized that I could have easily have become Dave in another life. I would have had huge difficulty making friends. He lives a fake life that is based on compensating for his weaknesses. He doesn't realize that he sacrifices his best asset for making new friends: His authenticity.
Don't share Dave's ironic fate. Think right now about what you need to do to get over this wound. If you have to start writing a letter or confronting your old tormentors, do it. It's time you got over the hurt you endured from everyone making fun of you as a kid.
About the Author
Caleb Clayton is a professional dating coach and social circle expert. He is the author of, "Social Circle Game: A Guide To Dating And Social Mastery," He consults guys one on one and helps them build a large social circle, make more friends, and date more women. Learn more about social circle game at http://www.TheCollegeCupids.com.
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